Reloading: Behind the Smashing (Part 1)

With Smash Bros 4 around the corner and the demo now available widely to EVERYONE, I thought I’d have some fun with today’s topic. As some may know, some characters have been cut from the roster. And while this genuinely upsets people, I like to poke fun of the situation by making fun little stories for the series. As such, here are my stories for why some characters were cut and why others were able to make returns. None of these are obviously serious, but do try to enjoy. :D 

#1 – Nana Not Coming Back

Once, a time ago, the Ice Climbers were a proud pair of siblings (Popo and Nana). For many years they fought alongside each other to either save the Arctic or to battle among the greats in Smash Bros. But some odd twenty years have passed and Nana noticed she isn’t getting any younger (though, being a fictional character, not any older either). That said, she couldn’t help but notice that all her time was spent in the shadow of her brother (she wasn’t even the playable climber in Smash Bros). She looked on in envy as other gaming heroines performed amazing feats and were generally touted as some of the most amazing characters to exist (Samus, Bayonetta, Peach, Rosalina, Zelda, Clementine, Lara Croft, and Chell among many others). Tired of living this pathetic Luigi-like existence, she left a note for her dear brother and departed off without another word to find her own path and make it on her own.

Popo was, understandably scared of this change. Never before had he been alone. Never before had he been forced to fight alone. And they had just received the invite to join the roster for Smash Bros 4. Popo was in a panic. He turned to Sakurai’s right-hand man, Kirby. Popo explained to Kirby the situation and how he still wanted to participate in the Smash-Bros event, but he didn’t think he could without his sister and that he needed a new teammate or he would not be a part of the roster this year. Kirby, being the ever clever ball of pink that he was, devised a plan quickly and made Popo an offer that his desperation wouldn’t allow him to refuse.

Moments later, Kirby, alone, bursts into Sakurai’s office. Kirby asks if Sakurai had ever been a fan of X-Men. When asked why, Kirby mentioned the story arc where Rouge stole the powers of Ms. Marvel permanently in exchange for the life of Ms. Marvel. When asked why that was important. Kirby then admitted he ate Popo… and didn’t spit him out. He dissolved in Kirby’s stomach acid and he became one with Kirby. Now Kirby can perform the Ice-Breath power at will, but now the Ice Climbers were basically unable to be in Smash and they had to explain Kirby’s new power.

Sakurai decided the best solution was to just say they’d cut Ice Climbers from the game and they’d cut other characters from the roster as well to make it look like it was no big deal. As for the sudden new moves, he would just create a game mechanic in which players can customize the movesets, allowing one of Kirby’s alternate moves to be the ice breath. And now you know why Ice Climbers are gone and why the alternate moves were added to the game.

#2 – Don’t Mess with Ness

Lucas was one sad little kid. If the events of hisMother 3, weren’t sad enough (google it), everyone HATED Lucas. He’s just a crap clone of Ness, some would say. Did you see him just leave like a little baby when Ness was going to be killed, some would ask. He really shouldn’t be in this game if Nintendo isn’t going to ever release Mother 3 outside of Japan, others would point out. And while lots of this was true, it didn’t change the fact none of these problems were outside of Lucas’ control. But with Brawl behind him, Lucas figured he’d never have to deal with these issues again. That is… until he received the invitation from Sakurai to join in for Smash Bros 4. The stress, fear, and anguish that had haunted him during the year or two after Brawl were all rushing back. He had to do something.
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Lucas went to the only person who he felt could understand his pain… Ness. He went to Ness and asked him what to do and how to deal with all the hate and negativity he’d been receiving. He would love to participate in Smash 4, but not if it meant dealing with all of the animosity again. Ness heard his story… but he had something else on his mind. He still hadn’t forgotten when Lucas left him to die at the hands of Wario in the story mode for Brawl. He remembers how Lucas basically stole all of Ness’ moves. He also never was a fan of sharing the Earthbound spotlight with a character that never made it out of Japan. Ness was special and Lucas’ existence was a threat to Ness.

But Ness couldn’t just kill Lucas. He wanted to, but he couldn’t. However, he did have an idea… one he stole from 4Chan.

He told Lucas that he should kill himself. If no one appreciated his existence and that he didn’t feel happy with life while Smash Bros was a thing, he ought to just end his life and not make it an issue ever again. As long as Smash existed, there’s always the chance Lucas could return in either a future title or even DLC. Hesitant to accept this seemingly horrible idea, Lucas eventually gave in and accepted this was probably his best solution. Before Lucas left, Ness asked if he could maybe get Lucas’ moveset in his will. Believing Ness to be the only one who cared about him, Lucas agreed to do this for the one person he considered to be a true friend and then left into the night.

A few days later, Lucas was found dead in his apartment. Apparently he had blown his brains out with his psionic powers. A note was left behind telling the world they didn’t understand him and it was Nintendo’s fault for not releasing his game to the west. He also told Meta Knight to fuck off. Ness inherited his moves and made a public announcement that he would use the moves in the next Smash Bros in honor of his fallen friend. And this is how Lucas was not only cut, but how an entire set of Ness’ alternate moves are all of Lucas’ old moves from Brawl.

(Please Note, this was not an attempt to make suicide funny. More just pointing out how evil the internet can be to people who are easily down on themselves. Cheers).

#3 – Wolf Among Us

With the Smash Invitations out into the world, a council of Nintendo’s greatest villains game to order. Ganondorf, Bowser, Mewtwo, Ridley, King Dedede, Wario, the Ancient Minister (from the Brawl story mode), and Wolf. This time they were joined by Robotnik and Wily for the first time. The meeting started with the usual bickering about pointless bullshit, but eventually came time to discuss what to do about the Smash Bros event.

Bowser explained he would slim down and work on mobility for the next game. King Dedede said he’d bring less minions because most of them are pretty useless. Wario said he was working on getting Waluigi into the game to bolster their numbers. Ancient Minister said that he was going to see if a new story mode was in place. Mewtwo explained his plot to kill Lucario. Ridley talked about his plan to show up at least as a stage hazard this time if he couldn’t be a fighter so he could still help out. Ganondorf said he might bring his sword… possibly. And Wolf said he had a plan to get Ness cut from the game.

When asked how, he told the boys he had heard Ness pushed Lucas into killing himself and that he could use it as blackmail to get Ness cut from the game. Everyone was intrigued by this plan because with Ness gone, another roster seat could open up for another council member. And while they talked they were being listened in on… and no one noticed the box in the corner from FoxHound. The box then lifted off the ground and slinked away.

Solid Snake had been ordered by Sakurai and Kirby to looking into these villain meetings and get intel on the situation. He reported back to Sakurai with this intel on the blackmail of Ness. Snake left, leaving Kirby and Sakurai to discuss what to do next. Both agreed that Ness did a bad thing, but because of his long time veteran status, Wolf would be the one cut instead and they would just say it was because he was spreading vicious rumors about other contenders. Both also agreed to cut Snake because they feared he would soon found out about the fate of the Ice Climbers as well. So they called up some mercenaries to take out these supposed problems. 

Fox eliminated Wolf… taking his blaster and Wolf-Flash device. This is why Fox has alternate moves similar to Wolf. Meanwhile, Sheik was hired to eliminate Snake. This is now why Sheik uses grenades. And this is how both characters were cut from the roster. And now you know… the rest of the story. 

Tune in next time when I attempt to tell more slightly offensive stories to why certain smashers were cut and others came back to kick butt. Until then, see ya next time and keep on smashing.