Starting
next week will be our end of the year “Top 12 Best/Worst of” for the year.
There will likely be a Majestic 12 post up every day simply because I have to
cover games, movies, and events of the year. So the schedule is a bit mixed up
and I have one extra day (X-Mas) that didn’t have anything scheduled… yet. So
here’s a last minute slapped together top twelve of my own twisted creation.
The Twelve Games of Christmas…
#12 – Bayonetta 2 – Yes, it isn’t Christmas themed
for most of the story. You’re fighting demons and angels and venturing into
Hell to save your witch friend from spending eternity there. All the while, you’re
fighting a Lumen Sage from the past (somehow) and protecting Yugi Moto from his
evil twin also from the past. See how confusing that gets? But the game does
take place entirely during Christmas Day (as hinted in the opening cutscene).
We even get Rodin as Santa. That’s the Santa I will be raising my kids with, no
questions asked.
#11 – Batman: Arkham Origins – Again, much
like Bayonetta 2, this game doesn’t
really have much to directly do with Xmas proper. But it takes place all on
Christmas Eve and you spend your night trying to stay alive while dealing with
all the new villains entering Batman’s life for the first time. If anything, it’s
representative the first time you spend the holidays with your new family you
marry into. You meet them. Some of them are hostile towards you at first while
others are just wanting to get to know you. One may even be trying to actively
kill you. But you combo your way through the night, maybe show off some cool
toys to impress the kids. Then you get in your nice batmo… car and sleep in the
next morning knowing you did a job well-done. Batman saves Christmas. Boom.
#10 – Saints Row IV: How the Saints Saved
Christmas – This is technically DLC, but whatever. There’s DLC in Saints Row IV where you can save
Christmas. It’s complete with holiday themed weapons, vehicles, homies, and more
Johnny Gat than you can shake a candy-cane-colored dildo at. There’s nothing
more exciting than saving Christmas and while you can save Christmas as Batman,
why would you choose that over saving it as the Saints of Steelport / The
President of the United States? I know I wouldn’t.
#09 – Any music
or rhythm game – Rock Band? Guitar Hero? DJ Hero? Even Donkey Konga
can all fall into this list. If you can find a way to play Jingle-Bells in the
game then it’s a Christmas Game. I’m sure someone has even found a way to play
Jingle Bells in Ocarina of Time,
which is also a Christmas game because not only can you play Jingle Bells
probably, but there’s snow at one point, and it’s apparently the greatest game
ever made. Yes, even better than the Chrono Triggers or the Meteroid Prime or
that one game where you play as the anime characters with the big swords.
Literally, nothing is better than Ocarina
of Time when it comes to Christmas. Nothing. Zelda. Jesus.
#08 – Pokemon Diamond, Pearl, Platinum – There’s
an area in the game also covered in snow that’s actually very pretty. And, for
serious, there are Easter Eggs tied to this area. During Christmas, the player’s
birthday, and the developer’s birthday, the raging snow storms in the mountains
will subside and everything will be peaceful momentarily. It’s kind of a cool
thing… that’s about all it has to do with Christmas.
#07 – Persona 4 – Persona 4 is a JRPG that progresses time like in real time via a
calendar. Every time you go to sleep, the next day comes up. So, naturally,
December 25th eventually happens in the game. So, yes, you can do
Christmas in your JRPG while you fight demonic versions of your friends and
neighbors. And the game just keeps on giving with New Game Plus modes, Gold Edition
for Vita, the fighting game version for PS3, and Persona 5 will eventually be a thing you can probably do Christmas
in too.
#06 – Silent Hill (series) – Most people would
think Silent Hill and they’d think
Halloween. And I’ll forgive you for thinking that because Christmas is really
the better answer here. After all, it’s snowing the entire time you’re in
Silent Hill (at least in the older games and one of the slightly new ones). So
clearly it has to be winter or something like it. Next, it’s quiet in Silent
Hill aside from the occasional scream in terror when a monster does eventually
show up. But most of the time creatures aren’t really stirring and I can only
assume it’s in eager anticipation for the arrival of Santa. Furthermore, you
have Pyramid Head (aka the Boogeyman) another fictional monster who, much like
Santa, passes judgment of those in Silent Hill as to whether they’ve been good
or bad. If Silent Hill isn’t
representative of Christmas, then perhaps I’m doing the holiday wrong. 
#05 – Castlevania (the series) – What is the
true meaning of Christmas? Why does the holiday exist? Because a large portion
of the population believe that Jesus was born on December 25th over
2000 years ago. While science has proven scientists exist and said scientists
have determined Jesus was likely born on a different day of the year… the jury
is still out on science and so we can’t confirm or deny this. Though the fact
December 25th was previously a Pagan Holiday to celebrate the winter
solstice before it became Jesus Day does raise an eyebrow for me. Getting off
topic, what game exemplifies the power of god, religion, and Jesus MORE than a
game where you literally use the bible, holy water, and a cross as weapons to
take down the unholy undead armies of Dracula? I can’t think of very many.
Definitely a Christmas classic here.
#04 – Skyrim – Really, any DnD style RPG which
features elves can be used, but Skyrim
stands above them all for basically being covered in snow all the time. The
added bonus is you get to fight dragons who have come back to steal Christmas
(I think). So you must banish them to the naughty list and save Christmas for
the residents of Skyrim.
#03 – Minecraft – Speaking of games you can do
Christmas in, Minecraft is a game you
can do any holiday in. You can use pumpkins, lava, and skeletons for your
festive Halloweens. You can use Creepers, fireworks, and meat for Fourth of
July. You can even do Christmas with spruce trees, villagers, snow, colored
glass, and chests. And if you don’t do Christmas, you can use fire to burn all
that to the ground and reenact Jim Carey’s classic master piece, How the Grinch Stole Christmas is up
there with being one the greatest movies of all time alongside The Godfather and Elf starring Will Ferrell.
#02 – Super Smashed Brothers – Okay, there’s a
lovely game in which every time you die in Smash Bros, you take a drink of your
favorite alcohol (or soda if you’re like myself and not a drinker). Then watch
as everyone gets smashed during your Christmas party while playing Smash Bros. It will be a fun night for
all and for all a good night. Just make sure they don’t vomit on your tree or
gifts because that is a mess you don’t want to clean up.
#01 – Sony’s Firmware – Nothing reflects the
spirit of being a child on Christmas and having to wait for your gifts more
than Sony’s Firmware. When you play
it, you’ll be amazed by how long it can take for your game to be ready to play.
But the wait is the exciting part as you eagerly sit back watching that
progress bar slowly but surely make its way to 100%. Just imagine of Christmas
was like that where, the night before, you had a progress bar that just
appeared on your eyes that slowly filled up the entire night until you woke up
the next morning to get your presents. Wouldn’t that be spectacular? Oh, Sony.
You’re so far ahead of us and we don’t even understand it.
That was my
not so seriously serious list of the twelve games of Christmas. I hope you have
a lovely holiday weekend. If you don’t celebrate the holiday, then just have a
lovely day as always. If you like this content and wish to see more like it,
please be sure to like, comment, share, and subscribe. See you again soon.
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