Majestic Twelve - Horror Films

Last time we did zombie-games. And since I haven’t seen enough zombie movies to make a top 12 for that… what if we just do horror in general since we’re almost to Halloween? What are the best horror movies? Also, Happy Halloween! 

#12 – Cabin in the Woods – Okay, yes, this isn’t technically horror, but a subversion of horror films. It’s only really scary for probably the first half of the film (if that) and then it flips the table into something else entirely, but it’s still vastly entertaining. But I really like it and IMDB insists it’s a horror film, so I’m including it on the list, like it or not. For me, it’s really just a fascinating and comical breakdown of horror films as a whole, but in an intelligent way that makes you think instead of just going for the cheap laughs like the Scary Movie franchise or, arguably even the Scream franchise. We probably won’t have another film like it for a long time (if ever) but if you aren’t big on the horror genre, this is probably the one film on here I could recommend you’ll walk away from and not get nightmares… probably.

#11 – Psycho – First of the actual-horror-genre (as we know it now) and it comes from one of the best, Alfred Hitchcock. This film is a classic, though it’s obviously quite dated. Hell, when this film launched, the seemingly naked woman (though you can’t see anything) and the sound of a toilet flushing were considered controversial. Things that, now in 2014, you see on TV probably every night during primetime. That aside, it’s psychologically deep with one of the biggest twists in Hollywood (at least at the time) and no other film really has done anything quite to that level. It’s real claim to fame are all the various Hitchcock-auteur markings the film has and his distinct visual style. Arguably one of his best and most solid works.

#10 – The Crazies – Borrowing ideas from your standard infected-style zombie outbreak, crazies is basically your Left 4 Dead or 28 Days Later scenario on a small farm in the midst of nowhere. The residents of the town grow hostile and crazy and begin murdering and killing each other. Though I don’t recall any actual biting or eating, meaning it isn’t a true zombie outbreak. And for those wondering why 28 Days Later isn’t on the list… I haven’t seen it yet. I know… I’m horrible. But hey, filmed in Iowa. #StatePride.

 

Possibly wrong "The Thing"

#09 – The Thing – Wait… do we mean The Thing from Outer Space? Or the “sequel/remake” by Jon Carpenter in 1982 simply called The Thing? Or, dare I say, the 2011 “prequel/remake” by Matthijs van Heijningen which is also called The Thing but omitting the obvious subtitle “Again”. And this is why I stopped playing Mortal Kombat games when they decided to reboot with the same name over and over again. Honestly, all three are horror classics and you really can’t go wrong with any of them. While the 2011 reboot/remake/prequel has better effects, it lacks the subtly and pacing of the 1982 “original”. But what about the original-original? Fuck it. Never saw that one.

#08 – The Grudge – Much like, The Thing, The Grudge also has similar name issues. There’s the original Japanese release, Ju-On: The Grudge, which is probably the scariest of the lot (as well as the best). There’s the American re-release simply titled The Grudge. There’s also one sequel and I think even a fourth film. Regardless, these movies are certainly creepy and worth a look. What adds to the level of horror (at least in the original film) is the sense of other-worldly-ness that foreign horror stories have on different audiences. There’s an alien-like bizarreness to some of the ways the story is told and how it is presented that makes it even more terrifying. Though the re-release had that once scene where the ghost-girl is crawling down the stairs and I thought it looked more hilariously stupid than scary. But for the rest of the film, the ghost girl and child are oppressively creepy and you suddenly understand why modern-day Japanese men might not want to get hitched and have a family at the moment. 

#07 – Woman in Black – I think what made this movie stand out the best was that it served as a nice breakout role for Daniel Radcliff, who had been stuck with Harry Potter for so many years. Course, there was that one Broadway show where he whipped his dick out… but this horror escapade, Woman In Black is far more interesting. Rather than go for gory horror or jump-scares, the film decides to play a more laid-back approach with creepy subtle horror that slowly oppresses you into an uneasy feeling as the film introduces more spirits and dark forces. It certainly sticks to the Silent Hill side of things when it comes to subtly and pacing and that’s what makes it so damn good. It’s a must see for horror-fans.

#06 – The Conjuring – When The Conjuring was released in 2013, we were all anxiously hoping it would signal the return of successful horror films coming back to theaters… sadly there haven’t been many big or interesting looking horror films since then so that hope was crushed. But The Conjuring itself held up as one of the best horror movies in recent years and is very good as a haunted-house/exorcism story. That being said, it too falls for many of the clichés that such films take on like the pets being keenly aware of the evil but the humans ignore them COMPLETELY. But I still question why the exorcist-parents would keep a room of all the evil possessed things in their house where their kid could get into it and not once think doing so was a stupid idea.

#05 – Pandorum – This has a lot of what I ask for in a movie. Its horror is genuinely creepy. It’s filled with paranoia and everyone is in a constantly frantic state, meaning you don’t know who you can really trust, even the protagonist. It also has aliens and it’s in space. I can only think of one possible movie that is fits space-horror bill better and we’ll get to that later. It’s certainly got everything a good horror movie could ask for… AND IT’S IN SPACE! To be fair, space didn’t help Jason Voorhees get scarier, just sillier.

#04 – Splice – One of the best horror-monster movies you could ever ask for. Two scientists looking to create a creature for good end up making something creepy, possibly evil, and definitely rape-happy. The little devil they make looks similar to Mewtwo, which I just awesome. But back to the rape-happy thing. The creature (a human mixed with other DNA of other creatures like, for example, frogs) becomes sexually interested in the male lead and forces herself on her (to which he pretends to be powerless to stop). But because of the frog DNA, the creature is capable of changing genders (presumably at will) and takes on a male form which forces itself on the female-lead and becomes hostile to the male-lead. This film is definitely creepy and is one of those “science-gone-wrong” flicks. But when the rape isn’t happening, it’s genuinely interesting in terms of acting, special effects, and plot ideas.

#03 – Black Christmas – To clarify, there are two different films that go by this title. The one in 2006 is the dumb one. The one in 1972 is the good one. Black Christmas (1972) follows the story of a sorority house during Christmas Break when a perverted serial killer hides in their attic. He makes calls throughout the movie threatening them and scaring them. When the girls isolate themselves, he descends down into the house to kill them and presumably have his way with them. It basically combines the aspects of home-invasion, slasher films, and (again) rapists all into one very shockingly disturbing film. The one scene that still sticks out in my mind is when the main-girl discovers what’s going on in the attic and tries to escape. When she fights against the killer by trying to close the door on him you can see his eye in that space between the door and the doorframe and he just looks batshit insane. Gives me the willies just thinking about it.

#02 – Alien - This has a lot of what I ask for in a movie. Its horror is genuinely creepy. It’s filled with paranoia and everyone is in a constantly frantic state, meaning you don’t know who you can really trust, even the protagonist. Wait… didn’t we already do this one? IT ALSO HAS AN ALIEN AND IT’S IN SPACE! Yes, Alien is, by and large, one of the best horror films you could ask for with a large, mostly unseen monster skulking about a ship drifting in space as it picks off the crew one at a time. It’s also the film that kick started a franchise… that’s kind of plummeted into the ground for a while. It did bounce back recently with Alien Isolation, that new survival horror game based off this movie for the most part. Maybe I’ll have to check it out. But for now… Alien the movie is still one of the best horror experiences you could ask for except for…

#01 – The Mist – I know what you’re thinking. Choosing a Stephen-King-inspired movie for number one is like picking Super Mario Bros for best video game. It seems like a very safe choice. But what makes The Mist so good is a mixture of horror-obscuring mist, hiding the monsters, lowering the visual effects budget. But doing that also means you don’t see the monsters as much, allowing the audience to imagine what horrors lie beyond the mist. It also has some terrifying human drama when a cult basically forms within the supermarket that sends the hero and his family out into the dangers of the mist for not giving into their crazy new way of life. But what puts this film in the top spot is the ending of the film. Spoilers… things do not end well for our main hero. I won’t say what happens, but fun fact: The ending to the film is different than the ending of the book. Even though they end differently, Stephen King actually gave his approval saying the ending to the movie was better than that of the book. That’s something you don’t here often. So consider that another endorsement for why you should give The Mist a look.

That’s all for the best horror that films have to offer. The horror is done here on the E-Vac Station Blog. But tune in for more as we try to get back on our regular schedule. Coming soon… a follow up to our “Gamersgate” post.